We all face disappointment sooner or later.  The job we wanted goes to someone else, our children don’t behave as we would like them to, the relationship we thought would be “the one” vanishes in a cloud of acrimony.  We get used to these disappointments most of the time and move on, but sometimes disappointment becomes something else.  When we find we have not gotten that job or that relationship too often, disappointment can become self-loathing.

Eating ourselves alive

The worst part of self-loathing is that no one else has to help us eat our hearts out.  That is exactly what we are doing when we begin to hate ourselves; eating the very heart of our being.  Every doubt about our self-worth comes back to us no matter how many times we have proven those doubts wrong.  If we have a dislike for a portion of our bodies, that dislike becomes enlarged beyond reason.  Concerns about our ability to do the things we do best fall on us like a ton of bricks.  We lose the will to even try.

End the meal

The truth of the matter is that you cannot own responsibility for decisions other people make.  You can, however, take responsibility for how you view those outside decisions.  As an professional speaker and actor I face rejection on a regular basis, it’s just part of the program, but I know how it feels to be disappointed.  The key to ending the meal is to own what you can control and release what you cannot control.   If “they” choose to select another person for the job or relationship, do what you can to prepare yourself for the next opportunity.  Few things will work against your future success like the aura of self-loathing.  We all have disappointments, but they represent the past.  You represent the present.

For more tips on improving your self-image read It’s All About Me.  Click the cover below for a sample, then buy the whole book.

The Involved Observer