“Disharmony, fighting, anger are all around me, I can’t work this way”  Have you ever heard these thoughts in your mind?  What can you do about this overwhelming feeling of discord? I would like to give you a magic wand to dispel all this gunk, I really would, but the magic wand shop closed last week.  

There is something you can do to get out of this situation, and as as you might suspect if you have read my previous blogs, it involves you doing it yourself.

To get the madness to stop you will be most successful if the first step you take is to ask yourself “what part am I playing in this discord?” One of the major contributors to conflict is we are not hearing what the other party is saying; we distort their message based upon our feelings at the moment.  If we walk into a meeting just after being told we might get fired if this meeting does not go well, we will distort every word being said during that meeting to reflect our fear.  If we are speaking to our beloved and they have not been especially attentive recently, we will begin distorting their words and actions to support the idea there is a problem, even if there is no problem.

If there is disharmony, fighting and anger all around you the first thing to do is bring into play the Involved Observer process I describe in the book It’s All About Me and see where you are playing a part.  Are you coming into the situation expecting disharmony?  Do you go in expecting to have or to witness a fight?  Is there a chance you have some unresolved anger within yourself at this moment?

You see, it is all About YOU, about what you expect, anticipate or project on a situation, and every time you get to be right!

The Involved Observer